Heterosexual Couple Waited 6 Years For Full Marriage Equality

hi so Roxy and Jordan Davis you guys are are capturing a lot of people's fascination right now and what I'm you know as I told you my I found out that you did you you guys are the straight couple and there maybe there's others but you guys there was an article about you you're a straight couple who waited six years to get married because not everyone had the right to marry and you wanted to wait for that and I found out about this because you're my cousin and then and your dad my uncle sent a little email to the family about this newspaper article and I was like I was so proud and I'm a straight man and I was so proud that someone in my family kind of took that stance six years and wait and did not and I was like my family is badass and I won't ask you what kind of start with this question like I'm a straight man I'm not even I'm not gay so you know marriage wasn't affected for me one way or the other for me directly why do you think what you did is captured so many people's fascination well I mean it seems like this right now is a big moment and I feel like I feel like people care about other people and that we have the capacity to care about issues that don't affect us directly and this seems like I mean for most people that I know you know of course we value our relationships and we you know it doesn't make any sense to discriminate against other people for having different kinds they're not even different kinds of relationships with their having relationships with people of the same gender instead of opposite genders that it doesn't I feel like a lot of people just recognize how insane that is to discriminate against against gay or lesbian relationships and so this is I don't know it's it's it's a victory for for everyone but I mean of course it affects the gay community the most but for anyone who cares about other people's happiness it seems like a horse this is something we can all celebrate well well totally but you guys took it a step further that like I think a lot of people didn't even have the imagination for like I won't get married until everyone can be married I mean that's that's what really impressed me about it and so I mean take us back six years right six years why why did you decide this why was that important for you six years ago yeah well it took us a minute to remember why we you know made that decision at that time but you know we're thinking back okay six years that would have been i remember it was april so it would have been April of 2009 which was only a few months after prop 8 past yeah and you know we were both living in California when prop 8 past and were completely devastated by that result I know a good what that not a constitutional referendum that changed the California Constitution to make define marriage as between one man and one woman so what had happened was the legislature had me tried to define marriage this way and then the California courts smacked it down and said no that's unconstitutional and then they said well we'll change the constitution then and they went in and they did just that and that was what profit where it was it was changing the Constitution to keep gay people from getting married right and I remember lots of celebrities coming out doing videos funny things all kinds of stuff and like I was sure California Yeah Yeah right yes bleep stagnation yeah it was such a shock to me I never thought I mean it's just it's unthinkable to me that I don't even understand the discrimination so just the fact that the majority of voters voted in favor of banning gay marriage I mean not just banning it but amending the Constitution specifically to say oh this used to be unconstitutional normal now we're making an exception so that we have to make it OK by the Constitution it was insane to us so I was completely devastated when I heard that we're all together at the we were yeah we were together at the time I was just really really upset about that so i think it was still fresh for us when we got engaged and you know when we were talking about getting married it just seemed like it would be hypocritical of us to go ahead and participate in this when it was you know was this this horrible injustice that it just happened it felt like we would have been complicit in it by just carrying on our business as usual as though nothing had happened I think that's the right word is we didn't want to feel complicit in this injustice and by participating in an unjust system gives me chills guys I just want to tell you like that's so powerful I never really thought about it I don't want to interrupt you but I just want you to know how deeply affected I am by you guys owning that that's so powerful it just it felt hypocritical to say man it really sucks that you don't have this thing and that you can't have that thing well good luck with that we're gonna go enjoy our thing like it felt like we didn't we didn't want to do that and we didn't we felt like it would be hypocritical to say one thing and then go into another yeah totally I mean you guys are like my heroes no seriously because you know i mean you know i've written articles about racism and i'm a white man and and and there there there i believe i experienced there are benefits that i have to being a white man that that that black people don't get for example you know they it's just not as easy for them in some ways and not that i don't have my own challenges and so but like what you guys did taking a stand like if we all took a stand for the injustice as we see in the world and say i am not going to participate in the social benefit of that injustice until it's corrected for all I mean wow yeah well I mean and you the thing about it is we still we still were participating in the social benefit that we had I mean we felt it felt to us like this was the very least that we could do but we still had heterosexual privilege you know we were still this you know man and a woman who are together and we had the respect that people would give to relationships like that that they wouldn't give to same sex relationships and that is that's the injustice you know it's not just about this the legal definition of marriage or the legal status it's about the fact that same-sex marriages and same-sex relationships were thought of as less legitimate then then opposite sex relationships and we were trying to take a stand in our own little way and take on at least what small amount of burden we could to stand in solidarity even though it was still easier for us than it would have been for same-sex couple yeah Jordan that that's a great segue because something that Jordan you had said in the news article that i have my uncle sent us all was uh you said we really got a first-hand look at how domestic partnership is not the same as marriage and I was really fascinated like what did you mean by that um well one of the big things you heard in this debate was that well we don't need gay marriage because domestic partnerships are things civil unions are a thing uh gay people can go just go do that and they can leave our marriage alone because they're they're they're good enough they're separate but equal um but we really got to experience what uh what a civil union is like and again a cell Union you got one yes your domestic registered domestic partnership matter so um California actually doesn't give domestic partnerships to straight couples if they're under the age of 65 65 so when we were living in Nevada we we did get 11 though just get some kind of label on our relationship and get some kind of benefits from it and see what that was like um and it is it's very different um both in small practical ways like taxes and health insurance and in smaller more subtle ways like the way like going into things and not knowing what your status is not knowing whether the law will nize your relationship or not and feeling your status change it art status changed like three times with different court rulings and wealth and when we moved from place to place and we had to get a new sense for what our status was every time wow wow that's interesting so you were kind of like in this legal legal limbo land yeah I've shifted like shifting sands it was never quite a solid foundation for you as a couple yeah yeah and I mean again this is just a tiny sliver of what it would be like to you know to be a same-sex couple and to have this be your only option yeah you know we we had all of the benefits of heterosexual privilege just in the way that people regarded our relationship and we always had the option of marriage there for us on the table if something really drastic happened and all of a sudden oh we really need to share health insurance benefits or whatever that's we always had that we you know we've never gotten to a point where we needed it but that was still always there and sing some same-sex couples don't have that you know so I don't I don't want to make it sound like we feel like oh we've really suffered it's just we got a tiny glimpse into you know just what it's actually like to live with that kind of separate but equal sort of legal status wow that's powerful I get that like there was always an out it's not available a psychological out in the way here did you did you have people telling you were crazy or like why are you doing this or it's ridiculous or um no we didn't really get that I think probably the biggest opponent of this was probably my mom actually she really we had a ceremony a very nice ceremony in Santa arboretum at UC Santa Cruz um does we call it a commitment ceremony because it was not associated with the change in legal status we did get our registered domestic partnership some time after that but mostly we were just is an informal kind of commitment ceremony and for Roxy and I that that was it that was a you know our public statement that we were partners through through this but for my mom it was never marriage until it was marriage and so we did get from her you know you need to go get married in a church when are you gonna get married are you gonna go get married but I don't think we haven't had anyone like tell us oh well that's dumb i don't know why you're doing that people about it must be really supportive and they said you know that's really cool you want to do that and you know gay people that we met you know we got a few very heartfelt thank you it seemed like it really meant a lot to some people which before you got married physically yeah when we would tell them that they would just say like oh yeah thank you thank you so much for that you know he did seem like it it touched them which was which was really nice I you know we want people to feel supported we were doing this in solidarity so the fact that at least a few people were touched by that was very cool I actually got I got to be a minister for a for a gay marriage in California I don't know maybe a year ago for 22 and two friends of mine and it was like it was like what an honor for me it was like I feel like I was being an activist you know in the world kind of in the face of the insanity of this in equal right so that's me I was really proud of that right of that moment but even in that time i still even for me against straight man it's not a huge issue in my world I was hard for me to envision a day when when ya all 50 states were you know we're just gay marriage wouldn't it just won't even be a thing a kind of thing anymore just be like yeah you can get married if you want to get married and so I didn't even know the Supreme Court was looking at this decision and then all of a sudden I wake up one morning you know a couple days ago a week ago whatever and all the all states you can marry everywhere gay people get was like what how did you all feel when that did you know first what the Supreme Court was doing this and how about yeah we knew about it we we knew it was coming we had talked about it a few days before because I'd been kind of keeping up I remember when they were hearing arguments and I've been keeping up yeah and I was keeping up and saying that they were probably going to be releasing the decision last week so we were expecting it and we a little conversation about leg Oh are we gonna get married that day I don't know and I had a lot of stuff going on this week and I was like I don't know if I'm gonna be able have time and so we kind of thought maybe not but then that morning Friday morning when I saw the news i remember i was looking at my twitter feed and i realized at about six-thirty oh my god that's Supreme Court what did you say what did you think they were gonna do i wasn't sure i was hopeful that they would legalize same-sex marriage I was hopeful hopeful um but not but I've been burned before I remember how I felt after prop eight so I was not ready to fully commit to it happening yes but i remember at about six-thirty that morning I knew that the Supreme Court Court was going to be releasing their decisions for that day and I was following this little like live tweeting live blogging of the Supreme Court and at 7am I remember seeing the little words come across the screen saying you know first up same-sex marriage and I was like oh my god Wow ok and then it said Kennedy's reading the verdict I'm letting up vertically said Kennedy is reading the decision I'm like oh my god I remember I sitting there holding my breath literally like this like he can't believe it's happening right now Kennedy was reading that reading it you knew that it was that's what I was no point at that point I was still holding my breath we still love gay men you still love drama yeah it was a traumatic moment for me at least and then when it said you know that same-sex marriage was legal the next little tweet I just started crying I was just crying and crying I'm so happy Jordan is asleep next to me in bed not like on my phone like crying reading this and I in that moment I knew I was like we have to do it today like I need to celebrate this I can't just go about my day like this nothin like we need to mark this occasion yeah so welcome up and I was like let's get married today and he's like yeah okay so it was you know I know you were happy about that yeah cuz it was a it was nice that we could participate in the day and then celebration not our little way yeah blogs just crashing into things you can I feel like that is really distracting I'm so you guys you you you you knew where you were going you went to the courthouse she brought you got to where to get the flags the rainbow flags there's a flag store a couple blocks away actually so we went to the flag store and got rainbow flags was actually kind of an interesting place it's very apolitical they have like uh don't tread on me flags with guns on them right next to the rainbow flags he signs on them what was so it's so interesting that the Confederate flag is coming down and the rainbow flag is we're going up but it's securely but the American flag is still there that's the one that that endures throughout all of these changes and it's such a beautiful thing our country is a great experiment and I feel like we just created a successful like we just had a birthing of success like love just opened up a little bit more yeah a lot of things went right last week it's pretty pretty cool I definitely get what you're saying about that I felt like even going through the day that day and over the weekend I was like I'm a little bit more proud to be like an American citizen today and like just breathing the air it feels like better air and being in America is a like there's a little bit less of me that's like it let's move to Canada like that voice is a little quieter and me we after this decision right I get that man so well I I'm just so proud of you guys and again you know there's a part of me look we're all heterosexual here and it's sort of there's a little bit of a like almost like a self-congratulatory aspect of this to that I feel and really the reason we're even having this conversation and what you did is because there was a massive population in our country that's still just yes they have the right to marry but they're still going to face the stigma of society right parents and the family the community that still don't quite approve Oh totally I mean this is this is a victory this is a big deal but it doesn't mean discrimination is over or that our work is done you know we still have to work and be allies as much as we possibly can you know because this is still going to be an ongoing issue that is you know not like you know the racism didn't die when barack obama got elected right and it's in the same way they're still discrimination right yeah there's a lot of work that needs to be done still well you guys are I'm so like I just you're my family and I'm like wow with my family I was like you guys you guys have made me very proud thank you so I'm just thank you so much for the stand that you took for free quality for love for a bigger vision for our country in the world and and it was a small gesture but at the same time it's just like I just can't tell you how how it's affected me right so I just really honor you guys and that it really means a lot I'm just glad that our little story our little experiences resonated with so many hands getting very very cool and we're happy again just to be able to participate in this movement in what little way that we can ya know it's been weird getting so much attention about it I mean the way that we saw this going on Fridays we were just like okay we're gonna get our little rainbow flags and we're going to go and celebrate with people and that's gonna be it and then we ended up on the news and it ended up like all these people heard about us and it's like we're getting all these congratulations and like people being like oh you're so awesome and I feel like I don't know deserve that but I'm great I feel it's great that you are excited about it it makes me happy but but yeah we never expected it well I mean I told you I'm a-okay social media presence and you guys became I get great engagement like people are envious about the engagement again on social media and you guys I posted that article about you you guys became my most popular facebook post ever it's really surprising we're not so honored but I'm so I couldn't it's like I'm so grateful to also thank you all so much for for this and in I hope that this conversation was interesting for folks out there and Roxy and Jordan I love you both and and thank you again yeah thank you so much

As found on YouTube

British Wedding Traditions | Learn British Culture #Spon

someone is getting married and I'm here
to tell you all about the traditional British or wedding hello everyone my
name is Anna English this is English like a native and in anticipation of the
royal wedding I thought this was a perfect opportunity to discuss the
culture and the traditions surrounding a British wedding
now this subject is huge there's so much information that I could give to you but
I thought I would just give you a general overview of the British wedding
now before we dive on into this subject I do want to give a huge shout out and a
big THANK YOU to our long-term sponsors italki, italki is an online language
learning provider and being online it means that the lessons are very
convenient basically you can take a lesson anywhere in the world at any time
of the day or night as long as you have a device and an internet connection. you
can choose which teacher you would like to spend time with.

I also like italki
because they are very affordable, you should definitely check out their prices
and if you haven't previously signed up to italki then by clicking on the link in
the description box below you will get $10 credit when you make your first
purchase so basically you're buying a lesson and getting one for free. so if
this does interest you and you want to improve your English or any other
language that you're learning which italki provide then do click on the
link in the description box below and take a look.
right let's talk about weddings. when you meet the person you want to spend the
rest of your life with depending on your circumstances you can choose from three
options. you can either have a civil partnership a civil marriage or a
religious marriage.

But what's the difference?
civil partnerships are only available to same-sex couples, so two boys or two
girls who want to spend their lives together can choose to have a civil
partnership, it's very similar to a marriage but there are a few differences
for example adultery is not recognized as grounds for divorce.
interesting. same-sex couples also now have the option to have a civil marriage
or a religious marriage. now civil marriage and religious marriage are
pretty much the same it's just that a religious marriage contains religious
content like religious songs and religious readings will be held in a
place of worship like a church. the way it generally works with the majority of the
people in the UK is that you marry someone that you fall in love with.
you're free to choose who you want to marry and when you want to marry them.
it's not uncommon these days for a couple to spend a lot of time together
sometimes years before marriage even is suggested. many couples even live
together for many years and in some cases, like in my case, couples will have
a child before they decide to get married and actually marriage isn't
always a step that a couple decides to take.

Some people don't believe that it's
good for a relationship or even necessary to get married and whatever
decision that people make surrounding marriage it's all accepted in the UK.
we're very liberal and open-minded we just want people to be happy.
so who can get married? well there are three basic rules both parties have to
be 16 or over. the second one is that you have to be available to be married so
you either have to be single or you have to be divorced from a previous marriage
so legally you've been taken out of that marriage or a widow. you're a widow if
your previous partner who you were married to is now deceased if they die
you become a widow in which case you're free to marry again, and finally you
cannot marry someone you are closely related to. now from now on I'm going to
be referencing a heterosexual couple because that's what my knowledge base is
and what my experience is. if there's anything you'd like to add that is more
suited to your situation then please do share it with us in the comment section
below so we can all learn together.

So in a traditional heterosexual couple in the
old days, and still quite a lot now but it is changing, it's expected for the man
to propose to the woman. a woman can propose to a man but it's traditionally
done in a leap year. don't ask me why it's very strange.
so traditionally a man would propose to the woman, now in the old days a man
would first ask permission from the woman's father or at least the woman's
family to ask if he could propose to the woman.

These days a man generally just
goes straight to the woman and asks her. he will get down on one knee and he will
present a ring (typically a diamond ring) and he would ask the question "will you
marry me" and then the lady gives her answer either yes, no or I need some time
to think. something to note, a proposal is also sometimes referred to as asking for
a lady's hand in marriage. so if she says yes everyone's happy the
engagement is announced to the world and everyone celebrates.

There would normally
be some form of engagement party and then the planning starts. of course it
depends on when you decide to book your wedding. some people decide to have a
very long engagement. I've known people who have been engaged for years and
years and years and there are two reasons for this. perhaps it's because
the timing to get married is not quite right because of illness or family
issues or work perhaps, but also some people delay the wedding because
weddings in the UK are very expensive but once the date is set and everything is
being planned one of the first things to do is to send out invitations and find
out which of your guests will be coming along. now invitations can be two-tiered
some people are invited to the whole event, so the actual service of marriage
as well as the party and the event that happens after the marriage, other people
are invited just to the party afterwards and this can be for a number of reasons.
perhaps the church in which you're deciding to marry in is very small and
won't hold many guests or perhaps you have a very tight budget and you can't
afford to feed everybody and to get everyone into the church on time so you
just invite extra people to come in the evening.

As the wedding date approaches
there is a celebration that happens with both the bride-to-be and the groom
to be. the bride will get together with her female friends and have a hen do
this is a party for the bride-to-be and her friends, and the groom to be will get
together with his friends and have a celebration called a stag do. sometimes
this is one night, sometimes it's a whole day, and evening some have a stag do
which is the whole weekend, some even have a whole week which i think is a bit
greedy but each to their own. but the hen do and the stag do are
designed to celebrate their last moments of freedom, their last
moments of living as Singleton's before they tie the knot and become a married
couple, bound to each other for the rest of their lives.
when the big day arrives the guests congregate, that means they get together,
and they become known as the congregation, so they congregate at the
venue and they are there with the groom as well as his best man so that's a
special man a best friend or a brother or someone who's chosen to support him
on the day he look after him, and along with the ushers, and the ushers are
basically helpers to help the congregation to find their seats and
help everything run smoothly.

Now seating in the venue will normally be split in
two. guests of the groom on one side and guests of the bride on the other leaving
a walkway right down the middle known as the aisle, and the groom will
stand at the top of the aisle with his best man waiting for his beautiful bride
to arrive. once the guests are all seated and everyone is ready then the bride
arrives usually in style in a very posh car or a horse-drawn carriage. just
before the bride enters the venue she gets together with her bridesmaids and
pageboys if she has them, she will also be there with the father of the bride if
she decides to go in with her father.

Now traditionally the bride and father of
the bride would enter together first, followed by the bridesmaids but these
days it tends to be the bridesmaids who go first. they walk down the aisle
everyone looks at them and it creates a sense of anticipation "we can't wait for
the bride" then the music starts and traditionally the music is 'here comes
the bride' or it's also known as the wedding march and they walk down the
aisle to this music and everyone's like "Oh beautiful" and she'll be wearing a beautiful white
dress sometimes an ivory dress or cream dress and in some cases they wear all
sorts of colors but traditionally it's a white dress and she'll have a veil
potentially over her face to cover her beauty until she arrives at the top of
the venue, faces her groom, who will remove the veil and reveal her beautiful
face. so then the ceremony begins the bride and groom are stood at the altar
with whoever is running the ceremony and everyone else takes their seats.

there are a few particular points that everyone expects in a wedding that you
should definitely look out for if you attend a British wedding
they are: objections. now this always makes me giggle because it's such an
awkward moment during the ceremony. the congregation are asked does anybody
object to this wedding do you have any legal reason why you think these two
can't be married and everyone goes quiet and everyone looks around to see if anyone
will do the dramatic thing of going they can't get married because I love him or
because he's married to me. I've never seen anyone object to a wedding in the
middle of a ceremony but I'm sure at some point it must have happened. the
exchange of vows. so this is a really lovely moment when the bride and groom
face one another and read out the vows that they have decided to give to one
another the promises they want to make this is always quite a special moment
and then of course the exchange of rings. which in every wedding I've ever been to
the exchange of rings has always been a hilarious moment I guess because they
get hot and nervous, their fingers swell and the rings don't always fit so it's
always a little bit of a struggle for them to try and get those rings to fit
properly, it always causes a few giggles.

Then once they've been pronounced man
and wife once it's official then the we'll be told that he may kiss the bride
and there's a beautiful smooch, a snog at the front of this venue and the whole
congregation is like "yeah it's love it's amazing it's wonderful we're so happy".
each ceremony will also include a signing of the register this is a legal
requirement so they can make the whole thing legal and official, and during this
time usually because it's not that interesting to watch people signing
official documents normally there is a performance of some sort a musical
interlude someone might get up and sing or play the guitar or there might be a
nice track that's playing so everyone can have relax and listen to the music
it's usually very nice and then when it's all done and dusted the bride and
groom walk hand-in-hand out of the venue together and this is where the
congregation can go outside and throw confetti or sometimes rice over the
bride and groom as they exit the venue.

It depends on the venue though because
some venues now ban it because it makes such a mess but yes traditionally that's
what you would expect. at this point the photographs will happen so when everyone
is still looking fresh there's a good amount of daylight the photographers
will come around gather different groups of people together and make sure there
are sufficient photographs of the day. while the other guests are waiting
there's usually a drinks reception and canapes going around so they don't get
too hungry and too bored then they'll be asked to take their seats everyone will
be seated according to the table plan with the bride and groom on the top
table usually overlooking all of their guests, and then there'll be a meal. now
this is called the wedding breakfast the first meal after the marriage the
wedding breakfast. now as the rest of the day continues there are a number of
things that will happen firstly most of the guests will receive a keepsake this
might be something like a tiny little charm or a coaster with your name on it
or a special handkerchief or it's just a
small gift to remind you of that special moment in that special day.

Speeches. a
traditional British wedding is never complete without a lot of speeches. now
anyone can give a speech but usually you have to have a speech from the groom and
the groom will normally say something wonderful about his new wife, thanks the
bridesmaid, thanks everyone for coming, he has certain things he has to fulfill in
his speech. then you will always have a speech from the father of the bride as
well who will again say something wonderful about his daughter, tell the
new groom to look after his daughter that kind of thing and then the most
famous one is the best man's speech. remember the best man is the groom's
best friend or chosen person he normally knows the groom better than anyone else
and this is normally or should be the comedy speech, the light relief, the time
when the groom starts to feel very nervous because normally the best man
will tell lots of secrets and stories about the groom that the groom is very
embarrassed by. carrying on and these are in no particular order there'll also be
a moment where the cake is officially cut.

A traditional wedding cake will have
lots of tiers. in the old days you used to keep some of
the tiers for a very long time I think one of them you would keep until your
first child's christening or something like that. nowadays it's normally just
cut by the bride and groom, make the first cut then it's separated out and
everyone gets to enjoy a piece of cake. then there is the first dance where the
bride and groom take to the dance floor a very special song is played for them
and everyone watches them have a little bit of a dance before everyone jumps
onto the dance floor and boogies the night away in recent years we've seen a
trend of brides and grooms learning a set routine and surprising their guests
with a fully choreographed dance routine.

In some cases it's led to people being
hospitalized because they try to do things after
having a few drinks which they probably shouldn't be doing. and then everyone
just has a wonderful time and there's usually some sort of book or something
going around that people can sign or add their mark to so that the bride and
groom have a keepsake of their own which has an input from all of their guests,
and after all the celebrations have finished the bride and groom usually go
on a holiday known as a honeymoon. so lots of information there to remember.
now like I said this is traditional weddings and more often these days
people are getting more imaginative and feel like they have more freedom to
create a celebration that is tailored to them and their friends and their

Now if you are married please do tell me in the comments box below
what was the highlight of your wedding. what's the one thing that you really
loved during your ceremony or during the celebration of your wedding, and if
you're not yet married but you hope to be married at some point in the future
tell me the one thing that you really really want for your wedding perhaps
it's a particular venue perhaps it's a particular person or perhaps you want to
have a certain band playing in your after party, but do open up and let me
know your thoughts down below. if you found today useful please show me your
thumb and if you're not already subscribed then please do smash that
big red subscribe button and the bell notification button so you don't miss
any future lessons.

until next time guys thank you for joining me, take care and

As found on YouTube